


Leave Me

by ThatGirlTheyKnow



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, sort of attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGirlTheyKnow/pseuds/ThatGirlTheyKnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Thor finds Loki in the weapon's chamber, standing very close to the Tesseract and a breath away from activating the Destroyer on himself.<br/>Could be as read Thorki or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this nearly a year ago, and am only getting around to posting it on here now.

The room is quiet, so quiet, and so very cold. Thor can barely hear his brother’s footsteps as Loki walks up to the Tesseract, which now holds the place of honour in the weapon’s chamber, and the thunder god’s heart clenches in his chest when he hears his brother yet out a shaky sigh, almost a sob. Loki’s dressed in his full armour, something Thor hasn’t seen him in since he tried to take over Midgard, and his hair was shorter again, slicked back. He looked very much like the Loki Thor had known before his banishment, before the younger man’s true heritage has been revealed.

Loki stands there for a very long time, looking at it, and Thor suddenly understands what he’s doing. Loki is forbidden to be here, as he is still technically a criminal, and if he goes anywhere closer to the Tesseract, if he touches it, the Destroyer will kill him.

“Brother,” Thor says, fighting to keep his voice calm. He does not want to startle Loki into action. He thinks of hunting and wild animals. “Please.”

Loki turns around, eyes fierce as he glares at his adoptive brother, but the glare is weak and behind the danger in his eyes Thor can see pain, so much pain, and loneliness and hopelessness. His heart breaks.

“Leave me,” Loki spits, his voice uneven. “I wish to be alone.”

Thor shakes his head and moves closer to Loki, until he is only a few strides away and if Loki were to activate the Destroyer, both of them would be in the line of fire.

Loki’s eyes flicker to where it is hidden, and back to Thor, and his eyes narrow.

“Loki, please leave with me, and do not come back,” Thor says quietly, and now he is close enough to grip Loki’s wrists tightly, easily holding onto them no matter how much the younger man pulled. Loki growls.

“Leave me.”

“I know why you are here.”

There is silence and they stare at each other for the longest moment. Thor’s breathing is heavy, and he holds back tears, because this is his brother who he loves more than anyone and anything, and he would give anything to take back all of his wrongdoings against him. He would give his life if it meant Loki was alive, and happy.

“Then why do you not leave me?” Loki whispers, all ferocity gone from his voice. “Please, leave me. Let me.”

Thor’s broken heart breaks even more, and he suddenly has to pull Loki into a tight embrace, to somehow comfort him, to show him he is loved, because the mischief god’s voice is defeated, and he can hear to unspoken words-  _it would be for the best_. This is not the Loki he knew.

“I love you, brother.” Thor whispers into Loki’s hair, and he could feel him start to cry, the smaller body shaking as sobs wrack his slender frame. “I love you so much. I will not let you do this.”

“Let me,” Loki says into his chest. “I want this.”

“No.” There is a note of finality to Thor’s words, and he carefully lets go of Loki so he can look him in the eye. “I cannot let you do this, Loki.”

“I deserve this!” Loki’s voice is suddenly angry, but somehow Thor knows it’s not directed at him- Loki’s angry at himself. “I should not have hesitated, and you should not have stopped me! A monster like me deserves worse than this, and we both know that I should have been executed the moment I stepped back on Asgard!”

_A monster like me._

“You are not a monster.”

Loki doesn’t speak. He’s facing Thor, is back to the Tesseract, but he’s so close and all it would take would be a fraction of a second and a small movement and they would both be dead. He doesn’t move, but his eyes are wide, so wide, and bright with tears. The green glistens and Thor thinks of a time when it would twinkle with happiness, when they were children. He is thin and sweating, and looks exhausted just to be standing. Thor so desperately wants to help him, but he dares not move.  
Loki’s skin is deathly pale, whiter than Thor knew possible, and he notices his eyes change- they flicker to red and back, and his skin takes on a blue tint. Thor watches as his brother loses of his facade, and slowly, his skin changes into that deep blue Thor used to associate with enemies, and his eyes change into that deep red that used to make him itch for a fight, back when he was young and ignorant.

He sees the dark, parallel lines on Loki’s body, and Thor is struck with the urge to trace them with his fingers.

“I am a monster,” It is whispered. Words to describe the tone run through Thor’s head-  _defeat, hopeless, lonely, sad, angry, lost, alone, alone, alone._ He wished he had a vocabulary like Loki’s, then maybe he could properly identify it, but alone… It rings in his head and that’s the closest he can get- Loki feels alone, Loki is alone, Loki wants to be alone, Loki hates alone.

He won’t let Loki be alone.

“You’re my brother,” Thor tries.

“Your brother is a monster.”

Loki turns, trying to end this, but Thor once again grabs him and pulls him roughly away from the Tesseract. His fingers were so, so close. Another millimetre and they would both be dead. Maybe Loki still hated him; maybe Loki wanted him dead, too. Maybe that was a part of the plan.

Thor doesn’t care that if he touches Loki’s skin, it will burn him. He can feel the cold radiating through the armour, and they are close, so close. Loki’s icy breath is on his face but he doesn’t move. He holds Loki’s blood red eyes with his.

“There is nothing monstrous about you, Loki. I wish you could see that this skin means nothing. I love you, and if you take your life, I do not think I could live with the knowledge that I could have stopped you. I would probably take my own.”

The words are true, Thor realizes as they flow out of his mouth, not planned, not thoughts about. He cannot live without Loki, and he knows it. When he thought Loki dead, he mourned him and tried to move on, but he could not. He would spend days on end in his chambers, withdrawing from the rest of Asgard who cared little for their fallen prince. He would remember their childhood days and he would try to remember the last time he’d seen Loki smile, truly and genuinely, and he could not.

He had been on the edge when Loki was revealed to be alive and trying to conquer Midgard. He had never been more relieved in his life, more happy, but the sense of elation was lost when he had realized Loki was a changed man. He was ashamed, but at himself, for allowing that change to happen, for allowing Loki to let go. He was angry at the Allfather for saying  _no,_  when all it would have taken for Loki to hold on was  _yes_.

Now, Loki falls into his arms, once again in his Aesir form. He sobs, and does not stop, and when his knees give way, Thor lowers them onto the floor and holds him and does not let go. He can’t let go.

His tears fall with his brother’s.

They sit there for a very long time, and eventually Loki’s sobs quiet and he falls into an exhausted sleep, still in Thor’s arms, and his face calm in sleep. Relaxed, untroubled. A nice change.

Thor drifts off, too, eventually, and hours later Loki wakes to his loud snores. A small smile plays at the edge of his mouth but does not show fully. He cannot find it in himself to move from the warm embrace just yet. He feels like he had when he was a child, and Thor was the only one who would be able to chase the nightmares away.

“I love you, too,” he finds himself whispering, confident Thor couldn’t hear him. He still has a bit of pride. “Thank you.”

He won’t die just yet, he decides. Not while Thor, who he still loves despite everything, who he can’t stop loving no matter how hard he tries, still has hope for him.

Not yet. 


End file.
